Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
