im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
