didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You dont lie about slip and slides
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
