I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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