So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
