Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
