Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
