it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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