Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
