Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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