My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
