Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
