I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
