either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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