dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
if only i could text you this smell
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize