shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize