Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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