Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
