I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
