you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
bring money and cleavage
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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