: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
