It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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