I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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