I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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