I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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