Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
