I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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