You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
