Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
