Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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