First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
