I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
