you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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