i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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