It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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