I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize