I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
