Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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