The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
