Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(352): View more from Florida

New low: just hacked my moms facebook

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(850): View more from Florida

So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.

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(954): View more from Florida

Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke

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(518): View more from New York

we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.

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(305): View more from Florida

If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.

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(317): View more from Indiana

He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death

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(985): View more from Louisiana

He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.

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