Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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