I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
