Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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