I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
