I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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