im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
