Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize