Can i not drive my cunt home
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
