3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
