i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
