Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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