Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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