This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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