bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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