First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i think i have two assholes
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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