I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize