We named our party play list daddy issues
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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