I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
