woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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