I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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