I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
