dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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