Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
