Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
me + whiskey = a bad person
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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