if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
