i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
