i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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