Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
