I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
