Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize