he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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