You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
