Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize