i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
