I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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