So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
pray to the hookup gods
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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