If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
