you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
